


This Honor Is Generally Bestowed Posthumously

by The Spike (spike21)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, coda for episodes Allies and No Man’s Land
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-16
Updated: 2006-07-16
Packaged: 2020-09-26 19:11:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20394730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spike21/pseuds/The%20Spike
Summary: Rodney and Ronon were there for a while.





	This Honor Is Generally Bestowed Posthumously

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://justabi.livejournal.com/profile)[justabi](http://justabi.livejournal.com/) introduced me to the Alphabet of Death game so it is hers and I am nothing but a thieving thiefy thief.

"A is for Asphyxiation," Rodney says, glumly. "Autoerotic or regular. I suppose autoerotic would at least come with the benefit of orgasm, but there would also be the everlasting stain of post-mortem humiliation."

"Shut up," says Ronon.

Rodney pauses. Considers. “ ‘Everlasting stain’ is a bad choice of words.”

Ronon doesn't say anything. There is more of that restless grunting and shifting that is really getting on Rodney's nerves. Maybe Ronon needs more fiber in his diet. He'll be sure to mention it, the next time they're not about to die.

Rodney closes his eyes. His mind is a crazy, crazy whirl of mostly guilt and self-recrimination because he is the stupidest fuck who ever... no. No, he is not stupid. He is exactly the opposite of stupid and there has to be something more than just... stupid stupid stupidness that had him uploading WRAITH SPYWARE into the Ancient database.

Okay. No. Focus. Calm down.

Calm.

Focus. On the important things. Okay, A for Asphyxiation. B is for...

"Burning," Rodney says. "Burning alive. That's almost certain if the Daedalus manages to find us. Or if Earth initiates an attack of some kind."

Burning alive. He wonders how long it would take. Well, obviously too long. Unless it was instantaneous, but that would just demand too much luck, all of which has apparently left him for greener, less imminently dead pastures. So, horrible, painful drawn out burning alive. What else...?

"C is obviously Citrus. Or maybe that should have gone under A for Anaphylaxis. And maybe burning should be under I for Immolation. Is immolation even a word?"

Ronon says: "Shut up, McKay."

Rodney says: "No."

They've been having this conversation for about twelve hours now. Ronon can bluster all he wants, he's going to talk. It's the only thing stopping his head from exploding.

Immolation. It sounds like Mexican food. God, he's hungry.

Well, S is clearly going to be Starvation. H would be Hypoglycemic Shock. Okay, he's getting ahead of himself here. It would be so much easier if Ronon would play. But Ronon isn't Jeannie and this isn't an interminable car trip to the Cabin of Infinite Boredom and Deadly Insects with their parents bickering in the front seat.

And...

Jeannie's going to die.

Jesus. He's killed Jeannie.

No. No he has not. Jeannie is not dead. Not yet. But she will be. He killed Jeannie. You don't... You don't come back from that. Sororicide. That can't possibly be a word.

Ronon grunts again, loudly and Rodney jumps. What the hell? Is Ronon... No! He wouldn't. In a Wraith cocoon? Without his hands??? That's just... Rodney shifts nervously in his sling or tries to. It's clammy and if he moves too much he can feel the sliminess of it. Not to mention the smell which has not died, even though it smells like something died.

Earth. Charnel house.

"What exactly *is* a charnel house?" If he had the internet... He'd probably download more porn. Stupid stupid spybot infected porn. How did he not learn from that? How?

Okay right. Back on task. Chop chop.

That could be C. Chopped. That's likely too. But he's past C now. No looking back or P will be Pillar of Salt. Okay, D then. D for... Drowning. Actually the way he expected to go. Not that he believes in that kind of determinism, but still... He's come too close in this reality and the other and he does live... *did* live... in Atlantis. Come on. There's tempting fate and then there's plain old-fashioned McKay stupidity.

Oh, god. He's going to win a fucking Darwin Award for this, isn't he?

H is going to be terminal Humiliation.

No. No jumping ahead. Okay. D for Drowning. E for Eaten. F for Fed On. G for...

"It's where you put the bodies," Ronon says.

"What?"

"A charnel house. Where you put the bodies, after a raid on a city. Somewhere to put the bodies or the body parts til you have time to bury them."

"Oh. *Very* civilized," Rodney says.

"It's war," says Ronon. "You're the one who won't shut up about death."

"Just trying to cover all the bases," Rodney says defensively. "I don't like surprises."

"Not even good ones?"

"Is there such a thing?" Rodney asks.

"Not usually," Ronon says. They're both quiet for a while, then Rodney's brain starts up again. Death, death, death. His fault, his fault. Stupid. STUPID.

"Okay, G, G, G..." Rodney says. "What starts with G? Green, grass, grapes, gauchos. Oh yes, death by gauchos. Because we are clearly in South America. G..."

"Garroting," Ronon mutters.

"Yes!" Rodney says. "Excellent. Thank you for playing."

"I wasn't playing," Ronon says.

"Oh yes. Ha ha. Implied threat received." He's already covered H and I. J is for... well, John, actually, but that's not really a way to die. Or, well. It could be, he supposes. If John were willing. And alive. And if Rodney was alive. None of which is going to come to pass so move on.

K is for Killed. Not very elegant but he has this feeling if he doesn't get to the end it's going to be because he was killed by the next letter he didn't get to. So. Thinking. Thinking.

L for love. For loss. For loser. No. Something real, please. Something useful. Lactose intolerance? That would be fairly hideous death. Maybe he'll wish that on Kavanagh. Or that Ladon guy. Maybe L is for Ladon. Ligature. Ligation. Libation.

He's thirsty too. Funny how D is for both Drowning *and* Dehydration.

M. Murder. Obviously.

N. Needles. Or... noodles. The noodles with salty fungus they've been serving on alternate Thursdays also known as Power Bar Celebration Day. Or no! Necrotizing Fasciitis. That's the ticket. Flesh eating disease. A perfect fit for the Pegasus galaxy.

O is for.... O is for.... O is for... Oh for Pete's sake.

"Ronon. Name a death by O."

"Oxygen deprivation."

"You impress me," Rodney says.

"You need to shut up, McKay. Seriously."

"Oh. Of course. Because you are totally the boss of me, except where you actually aren't so... no."

"Fine," says Ronon. And then: _grunt, grunt, shuffle, shuffle. _ It's really annoying.

"Stop fidgeting," Rodney says.

"What you said," Ronon answers.

"Fine," Rodney says. P is going to be for Poisoning The Satedan.

Q is... too hard. R is for getting his heart Ripped out. S, Starvation -- on its merry way. T for Tachycardia. He's got that in spades.

U is for Unshielded Radiation Sources to which he's been exposed far too many times to ignore.

V is for Violence.

W is for Wraith.

X is for X-rays. See U for details.

Y is for...

He can't picture a Y. All he can picture is Earth and Darts coming in. The terror on people's faces. They'll think it's Al Qaeda or something. Something human scale horrifying. Not... this. This thing he's engineered. The end of...

He can see Jeannie running from the culling beam. He doesn't even really know what she looks like now. Long hair? Short hair? Everyone. Everyone. Husks littering the streets of Toronto, Boston, Colorado...

"McKay?"

"What?"

"You're quiet," Ronon says.

"Sorry," Rodney says. He sighs. "Where was I?"

"O," Ronon says.

"Oh no," Rodney says. "I was way ahead of that."

But he can't really remember now, so he starts back again with P.

Ronon tells him to shut up. He doesn't. He keeps going.

The only alternative is hope and he's just not ready for that yet.

*

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from [Darwin Awards](http://www.darwinawards.com/). I originally wanted to call this "Gashleycrumbing On The Edge Of Oblivion" but that was, justifiably, nixed.  



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